Lucy-Elissa
Lucy Woodridge or Elissa Cousland (referred to as Lucy-Elissa by agents) was a Mary Sue slain by agents Aster Corbett and Lore, as well as the recruited character Bendrick. She appeared in an Dragon Age insert-fic 'A Southern Californian in King Calian's Court.' Character History Lucy Woodridge was originally an old lady computer programmer with presumably no friends and a cat. She liked to stay up late to watch infomercials. However, because of the intervention of Flemeth, a canonically powerful witch, she was pulled from her world and put into the body of the smoking hot bombshell Elissa Cousland. Cousland was put into Lucy's body and was run over by a truck. Flemeth's motivation supposedly was that she had met Elissa Cousland, the possible hero of Dragon Age Origins, and didn't think she'd do a good job of it. So she pulled a random old lady with no people skills to save the world instead. This motivation is questionable. Lucy-Elissa wasn't too mad. This is potentially disturbing, considering she thinks nothing of friends, family, work, or her home she leaves behind: just her cat. In fact, she was very happy, because she was put into the body of what has to be the sexiest woman on earth, because then she proceeds to sleep her way across Ferelden, charming everybody from an OC meant to be a tragic dead lover, all the way to the current Archdemon who 'wanted her to be his bride, like Andraste was the bride of The Maker.' Along the way, she skips over 'that boring stuff' like actually exploring an reacting to being in a fantasy world, and instead jumps from dialogue instance to dialogue instance, as well as to uncanonical scenes where she mocks and condescends to her traveling companions. Her traveling companions for some reason don't mind. And she doesn't mind her traveling companions. In fact, her best friend is an apostate mage that frankly offers to kill children, and she dismisses it as 'she's not a kid person.' ]Lucy-Elissa is made a Grey Warden. In the fic, this somehow means that she's super libidinous all the time, and that she cannot get pregnant. This is supposed to be sexually liberating, but then she goes on to solve nearly every problem the fact that she can sleep with anyone she wants. Despite her mental age, her behavior patterns do not match that of an old woman, but rather, resemble a teenager... and strangely, most Mary Sues. Somehow, in the sequel, she did happen to get pregnant, her infertility somehow and magically cured. For some reason, people treat her as an authority when she has no practical knowledge about Thedas, and whines about it constantly. Somehow she has magical tactician abilities that people simply trust. In the same way that she trusts her magical combat abilities that are 1/2 'knowing karate' and 1/2 somehow knowing all of the fighting skills of Elissa Cousland despite not having her memories or experiences. Due to some terrible excuse, Lucy-Elissa is able to cast magic like a mage while being a warrior. Her first uses for magic are domestic tasks such as heating water and washing her hair, but within the first few chapters becomes an accomplished shapeshifter, and by the final chapters (60+) she is a powerful blood mage, arcane warrior, and is able to teleport, which is impossible in the continuum. She was so attractive, she turned heads from literally every male in Ferelden, and carried on a romance with Teryn Loghain, solving his issues with healing sex and remarking about how good he'd look in tight jeans. As of the story, he's old enough to be a grandfather. She kills Arl Eamon to make this possible. For some reason, nobody hated her for it. Charge List “You, Elissa Cousland, or Lucy Woodridge, are charged with severe crimes against canon. These include, but are not limited to: Trans-dimensional hopping, crunching and stretching time, forgetting canon characters are present, making canon characters act unrealistically, being unrealistically qualified to make military decisions, claiming that being a Grey Warden somehow increases your libido, trivializing sexual freedom, hogging the spotlight, having impossible fighting skills, making Bann Teagan love you, writing contextually confusing letters, being annoyingly nonchalant about things that should shock you silly...skipping over the story to get to dialogue that you can alter, being a mage when you should not be a mage, turning King Calian into a water main, claiming age makes you wise when you act like an idiot teenager, making Bendrick quote Anders out of context, being unreasonably attractive to every single male you have ever come in contact with, teasing Alistair as if he does not know basic Sex Ed. and changing his heart’s desire to sex with yourself, inventing ‘High Pink,’ riveting people to your face, bashing Isolde and turning her into a half-cow-half-woman thing, facilitating improbable magic sex moves, suggesting that lyrium be applied in coitus, making a giant plague zit walk like a man... .and if Lore is to be believed, romancing Teyrn Loghain and solving all of his problems with healing sex, abusing his daughter, killing Arl Eamon to enable your romance, literally sleeping your way across Ferelden to the point of seducing THE ARCHDEMON, making Zevran speak bad Italian, making a big deal about Grey Warden infertility and then somehow becoming pregnant in the sequel, having impossibly strong magic to the point of teleportation, surviving killing the Archdemon without any dark ritual... And being a Mary Sue!” Character Demise Lucy-Elissa was smothered with her own panties by Bendrick, who also managed to electrocute her when that indignity just didn't cut it. Category:Slain Mary Sues